Some things, we don't talk about.

Hey everyone, how are you all doing? Hope Chinese New Year has been fine for everyone. It hasn't really been fantastic for myself but at least the days that went by were eventful.

Wish I wish in an awesome mood all the time, then will my posts not be so dull and difficult to read. Haha, but people tend to forget I'm still myself after all. And it's been the same for awhile now. I mean, after all, that's all about being "bad with goodbyes" right?

I let it fall.

Spent the entire day not doing anything today. In a way, feeling liberated. But still, I'm in a state of unrest knowing that there would have been other possibilities and outcomes of today. Ah, it's really hard to explain but I'm still waiting for the day that all this comes to an end. Soon, I hope.

Really need to get out and let loose this week.

Set fire to the rain.

What's up friends? Oh, nothing? Yep me too. Still jaded, still stagnant, still the same old me.

Giving up is an understatement, I'm beyond that, fallen deeper beyond that.

Enough about me. Spent half the day with Ryan (not talking in the third person perspective in case anyone's wondering since some of you asked haha) getting our haircut, have dinner, semi-indie time at Starbucks and then to go watch/listen to Andrew Huang at Bussorah Street today.

Okay, I must say, I've never listened to this guy sing, especially not since he sang that unicorn song that I never really took a liking to (for various reasons). But he's really good, love his voice.

Yeh okay, that's about it. Don't blame me if my posts are really boring. I must have seem to lost all creativity even when it comes to writing..

iPhone needs to have a better resolution front camera for obvious reasons..

Andrew Huang.

Ryan, his ukelele and Andrew.

Okay bye!

I give the best advices.

I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.

You know I really won't deny it that over the past few years, a lot of things have happened and life hasn't entirely been the greatest for me. But two people that came into my life have made me a very happy person. It's times like these that make me realize how truly blessed I am.

Earlier today, I was having a really vexed out day in school. Not because of the friends there, they're great. But the workload and the feeling of just being in school drains you out emotionally and eventually leaves you with zero morale for the rest of the day.

So here I was, taking a long bus ride home back from school, feeling really shitty and all, and then I arrived at the front of my gate with a couple of red arrows stuck on them. And truth be told, I kind of figured who made these arrows immediately. I was kind of disappointed at first, because the first thing that came to my mind was, "Damn I wish I was home when they came over".

And then I proceeded in the house, with more arrows and everything and the arrows eventually led me downstairs where the both of them were.

Haha, by now you would have figured who the both of them were right?

Sometimes I really don't know what good have I done to deserve such good friends. Who came all the way down to my place several times to surprise me, and today, because they knew I wasn't feeling very good. You know I really love the both of you very much right? =)

Anyway, the plan was to have dinner at our favourite hangout, HK Cafe, the one near my house, but it was closed. So we cabbed down to the Lagoon to eat but it was closed too. I know right? What are the odds? So eventually we ended up eating at Parkway and also having Scoopz, which reminds me.. I still have two tubs of rum & raisin ice cream sitting in the fridge. And my happy pills, and my "antidepressants", MUJI marshmallows, half a box of Nerds, a can of Coke and my dark "antidepressants". Hoarding at its best.

And then the rest of the night was just the rest of the night hehe =)

Thank you, the both of you, so much, for everything. You guys really mean the world to me and I'd never imagine anyone doing so many sweet things for me. I would usually say that it's the little things like that that make me happy. But this isn't little, I would know. Because it means so much. I'll never forget everything, thank you so much, Ryan & Rebecca =)

Thank you for everything! =)

♥♥♥

I don't even whatever.

'Til I get better.

Watch me as I fall, to the water calling.

First day into the week and I already can't wait for it to end. As the days go by, I still feel very disconcerted about everything. As cliche as this sounds, how do you find the time to put a genuine smile in the midst of all these adversities?

No, I have no regrets about decisions made, just find a lot of things hard. Not bittersweet, just bitter.

In any case, the previous week was spent procrastinating and wallowing in self pity. Not so much the time of reclusion I was hoping for but I seem to find spending time in lying down in bed more fruitful than getting up and doing something good for myself.

Well, that has been the case for the past few months. I can't wait for my FYP to end, even though it's just a few weeks away but the end of the tunnel is never in sight. It's times like these when I feel like just dropping everything as it is and giving up right here. But then I think about how long I've held on and persevered and decide to carry on. But it's exhausting..

Two phone calls, one last night and another a week ago, reminded me that people are really not how appear to be on the surface; happy. By this, I mean the people who are genuinely crushed by things. I've always wondered how people come to a state of being perpetually upset, until I realised how it was possible.

Well 'til then, here's a reminder to myself, in time to come, as I read this:

At least I still remember how to put on a smile.

Even when I don't feel like it.