These words are my heart and soul.

Some things, we don't talk about.

2012-01-27T15:02:00.001+08:00

Hey everyone, how are you all doing? Hope Chinese New Year has been fine for everyone. It hasn't really been fantastic for myself but at least the days that went by were eventful.

Wish I wish in an awesome mood all the time, then will my posts not be so dull and difficult to read. Haha, but people tend to forget I'm still myself after all. And it's been the same for awhile now. I mean, after all, that's all about being "bad with goodbyes" right?

I let it fall.

2012-01-20T16:38:00.000+08:00

Spent the entire day not doing anything today. In a way, feeling liberated. But still, I'm in a state of unrest knowing that there would have been other possibilities and outcomes of today. Ah, it's really hard to explain but I'm still waiting for the day that all this comes to an end. Soon, I hope.

Really need to get out and let loose this week.

Set fire to the rain.

2012-01-20T01:19:00.002+08:00

What's up friends? Oh, nothing? Yep me too. Still jaded, still stagnant, still the same old me.

Giving up is an understatement, I'm beyond that, fallen deeper beyond that.

Enough about me. Spent half the day with Ryan (not talking in the third person perspective in case anyone's wondering since some of you asked haha) getting our haircut, have dinner, semi-indie time at Starbucks and then to go watch/listen to Andrew Huang at Bussorah Street today.

Okay, I must say, I've never listened to this guy sing, especially not since he sang that unicorn song that I never really took a liking to (for various reasons). But he's really good, love his voice.

Yeh okay, that's about it. Don't blame me if my posts are really boring. I must have seem to lost all creativity even when it comes to writing..

iPhone needs to have a better resolution front camera for obvious reasons..

Andrew Huang.

Ryan, his ukelele and Andrew.

Okay bye!

I give the best advices.

2012-01-19T23:10:00.001+08:00

I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you.

2012-01-17T01:44:00.000+08:00

You know I really won't deny it that over the past few years, a lot of things have happened and life hasn't entirely been the greatest for me. But two people that came into my life have made me a very happy person. It's times like these that make me realize how truly blessed I am.

Earlier today, I was having a really vexed out day in school. Not because of the friends there, they're great. But the workload and the feeling of just being in school drains you out emotionally and eventually leaves you with zero morale for the rest of the day.

So here I was, taking a long bus ride home back from school, feeling really shitty and all, and then I arrived at the front of my gate with a couple of red arrows stuck on them. And truth be told, I kind of figured who made these arrows immediately. I was kind of disappointed at first, because the first thing that came to my mind was, "Damn I wish I was home when they came over".

And then I proceeded in the house, with more arrows and everything and the arrows eventually led me downstairs where the both of them were.

Haha, by now you would have figured who the both of them were right?

Sometimes I really don't know what good have I done to deserve such good friends. Who came all the way down to my place several times to surprise me, and today, because they knew I wasn't feeling very good. You know I really love the both of you very much right? =)

Anyway, the plan was to have dinner at our favourite hangout, HK Cafe, the one near my house, but it was closed. So we cabbed down to the Lagoon to eat but it was closed too. I know right? What are the odds? So eventually we ended up eating at Parkway and also having Scoopz, which reminds me.. I still have two tubs of rum & raisin ice cream sitting in the fridge. And my happy pills, and my "antidepressants", MUJI marshmallows, half a box of Nerds, a can of Coke and my dark "antidepressants". Hoarding at its best.

And then the rest of the night was just the rest of the night hehe =)

Thank you, the both of you, so much, for everything. You guys really mean the world to me and I'd never imagine anyone doing so many sweet things for me. I would usually say that it's the little things like that that make me happy. But this isn't little, I would know. Because it means so much. I'll never forget everything, thank you so much, Ryan & Rebecca =)

Thank you for everything! =)

♥♥♥

I don't even whatever.

2012-01-12T01:11:00.001+08:00

'Til I get better.

Watch me as I fall, to the water calling.

2012-01-09T16:15:00.001+08:00

First day into the week and I already can't wait for it to end. As the days go by, I still feel very disconcerted about everything. As cliche as this sounds, how do you find the time to put a genuine smile in the midst of all these adversities?

No, I have no regrets about decisions made, just find a lot of things hard. Not bittersweet, just bitter.

In any case, the previous week was spent procrastinating and wallowing in self pity. Not so much the time of reclusion I was hoping for but I seem to find spending time in lying down in bed more fruitful than getting up and doing something good for myself.

Well, that has been the case for the past few months. I can't wait for my FYP to end, even though it's just a few weeks away but the end of the tunnel is never in sight. It's times like these when I feel like just dropping everything as it is and giving up right here. But then I think about how long I've held on and persevered and decide to carry on. But it's exhausting..

Two phone calls, one last night and another a week ago, reminded me that people are really not how appear to be on the surface; happy. By this, I mean the people who are genuinely crushed by things. I've always wondered how people come to a state of being perpetually upset, until I realised how it was possible.

Well 'til then, here's a reminder to myself, in time to come, as I read this:

At least I still remember how to put on a smile.

Even when I don't feel like it.

2012-01-08T01:46:00.000+08:00

Never really thought I needed anyone to understand what I'm going through at the moment. But sometimes, I wish that someone would come just as close as to understanding how I actually feel right now.

After all, people don't shed tears for nothing.

And it's times like these that I wished I'd feel like I'm not so alone.

2012-01-04T20:31:00.001+08:00

I always seem to forget, how fragile are the very strong.

2012-01-04T02:24:00.002+08:00

Feeling so freaking unreal right now. Even though I've just managed to scrape through the bare minimum for my project.. Actually, screw that. I'm pretty sure it's barely even there.

I'm just tired. So tired. Really tired.

Need respite.

As long as we got love.

2012-01-03T18:56:00.001+08:00

Happy 2012 everyone.

Then again, what's so happy about the new year anyway? Everyday is like a never ending downward spiral. Also, I'm still in a disbelief about a lot of things, one of them being school; reopening. Argh, there goes my reclusion time.

Thinking of giving up on my 10% for tomorrow, but I will persevere.

Persevere Ryan, persevere.

You're almost there.

I don't want this moment, to ever end.

2012-01-01T15:44:00.001+08:00

The last post wasn't a feat eh? How could I possibly end the year without thanking the ones who helped me through 2011 and made it bearable for me. I mean, even though I know I've said all I had to say to everyone close to me, but I'd still like to thank everyone upfront. I'll always have this overflowing gratitude for everything that's happened during the past year.

Rachelle, my dearest Lilo. Thanks for always staying by me for the past few years. I have enjoyed growing up with you and all these moments would always stay close to my heart. I'll never ever forget everything that we've been through and all the stories that I would think about in the days to come. You've been such a dear sister and you'll always be.

Ryan, my dear little twin didi! I've always questioned myself and I question myself again, what did I ever do to deserve such a friend like you. So many things have happened in 2011 and I'm really grateful that you've stuck me right to the very end. Thanks for being there at the most random times of the night and for seeing me through everything. I'll never forget you, I'll always keep your present close to me =)

Rebecca, my dear sister. See, I called you Rebecca. You've been such a sweet and dear friend to me, I don't think I'll ever be able to give back enough for everything you've did. Just like I said before, I'm really grateful that you and Yeo came into my life, especially this year. Because when everything else was going wrong, both of you kept me going. You'll always be a close friend of mine.

Laury, my favourite cat. Thank you for all the crazy moments we spent together and for the times we would just sit and hang out, especially I'm feeling most alone. Thank you for always availing yourself whenever I need a friend. You've always been there for me and I'm really thankful for that. I'll always be here if you need me Laury. I'm always on your side remember? :)

Charles, my dear brother. We've come so far haven't we? The past few years have been quite a ride for us and to be honest, I'm just very glad that we're still at where we are now. Thank you for the night that you'd accompany me when I'm feeling really dejected for always assuring me that you're there. Thank you for everything :)

Cheryl Ho, my mother swan. Thank you for taking care of me and sticking by me all these years. I'll never ever forget this mother-son relationship we've shared. Thanks for all the lunch and dinner dates that we'd have and for always hearing me out and encouraging me. And also, for all the times you've encouraged to persevere right to the very end. I'll never ever forget you.

Charlene! I know you're going to visit this space some day and read this. I read your space too. But thanks for always availing yourself as a listening ear and for sending me random text messages when you know I'm feeling out of sorts. I'll always remember all the kind gestures from you and for everything else that you did that makes me appreciate this friendship so much more :)

Joe Ho, saranghae *does heart shape* HAHAHAHA. I'm going to miss having a K-Pop buddy like you around. I don't think anyone can match up to your craziness and fanboy-ness. I cannot stop emphasizing this, but our sashimi dates ah! Also, for all the encouragement and all, especially when I'm feeling super lousy about school. Thank you for being there!

Xiang, my da ren. Thank you for being a da ren to me for the past years and for always standing up for me whenever you know that someone has done great injustice to me. I'll never forget the times that I'd be over at your house chilling and sit next to you just to chat about everything. You've been a great sister and you'll always be. Thank you for being a great sister :)

Michelle, my da jie! Even though we haven't got a lot of time spent together this year. I still appreciate all the times that you'd chat with me and hear me out and for all the concern you've given me when you know I'm down. I'll always remember all the good times we spent together and you'll always be close to my heart no matter what :)

Pastor Daphne! Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life. And also, for all the times that we would hang out randomly for lunch and dinners. I'll never ever forget everything you've told me, to keep me going. Thank you for helping me pull through all the way to December and for your never ending support in everything that I do. I love you Pastor Daphne!

Dwayne, my godbrother this year! Thank you for always messaging me and ensuring that I'm fine and all, even when I'm really fine. Thank you for always making weird faces whenever I'm on stage and try to make me laugh while I'm on stage, even during the serious songs. Also, for the times that we would hang out and just have a heart to heart talk. I would always remember you :)

Thank you for everything everyone :)

And to everyone else that I didn't mention in this post, I haven't forgotten you, I still love you all the same. Everyone still means the world to me.

Have a very happy 2012 ahead guys :)

I'm sorry I can't steal you.

2011-12-31T11:35:00.001+08:00

What a year.

This was actually supposed to be an end of year post. But I'm suddenly stuck with nothing to write. This usually doesn't happen but it does.

Can't believe how quickly the year has gone by like that, December went by especially fast. All that should have been said has already been said.

All I'm saying is, I'm going to miss all of you.

You know who you are.

Thank you for being part of my life, I'll always remember all of you :)

2011-12-27T08:03:00.000+08:00

So many things to say, so little time left.

Still breaks my heart.

In the light of the sun, is there anyone?

2011-12-26T04:31:00.001+08:00

Don't we all wish that everyday was a day of partying?

And just like that, Christmas is over. Well, the first day at least. And I got by the day without having any presents properly prepared to be given to anyone. I have a hard time completing them to be honest. Blame it on my emotional wreck-self. I'm such a miserable idiot.

Hardest Christmas ever.

Worst Christmas.

Then again, looking into it, I don't blame Christmas.

Oh 2011, what a year.

Let me get into a time of recluse, just for now.

Have yourself a merry little Christmas.

2011-12-25T02:52:00.002+08:00

Normally, it wouldn't be this hard to appreciate Christmas. Last I remembered, it was a date I was looking forward to. After all, it's usually my favourite time of the year. However, this year, I must have lost all reason to be enjoying this season; robbed of my Christmas joy.

I don't remember Christmas being this sad.

But still, I am thankful for Christmas and the ones who helped make this day bearable for me.

Next year will be better.

Merry Christmas everyone :)

With everything, I won't let this go.

2011-12-24T00:27:00.000+08:00

Hello everyone. Just before I turn this blog into a very emotionally unstable one, thought you should know that there are times that I still remember that I'm very blessed.

Just celebrated my birthday today. Haha, a birthday is just like any other day right? Well, my friends and I thought so, which is why two of them decided to throw me a surprise today.

Where else but every favourite hang out place, at East Coast Park's Hong Kong Cafe.

As of late, it's been a place I often love to go to with friends. Haha that being said, if you've been there at least once with me, then you obviously mean something to me. Otherwise, fret not, there are still the days ahead of us to come. I do realise that all of us have been very busy, myself included. Thus, you know, a lot of us can't hang out as often. Because if you really meant something to me, you would have known that by now :)

I was smiling from ear to ear when they presented me with these presents.

(The presents are still in place by the way, I couldn't bear to touch them.)

And then I couldn't stop smiling because I was really touched.

They also brought out a tub of rum and raisin ice cream with a candle. And then we ate the ice cream with chopsticks. I love rum and raisin haha. I still have the previous tub from Yeo in my freezer. The one before that grew mouldy. Haha, I am such a terrible hoarder!

It's times like these that make life still worthwhile. It's time like these that still give me a reason to smile. It's times like these that make me realise that I really like triangles HAHA. Jokes aside, it's times like these that make me realise that I'm never alone.

Thank you Re(Becky) and Yeo!

I really love the both of you from the bottom of my heart! :)

Thank you for everything! <3

I'll never ever forget today and everything we've been through.

You guys would always have a special place in my heart.

Friends forever :)

Lord, I feel so small sometimes in this big old place.

2011-12-16T00:59:00.000+08:00

A week has come and gone just like that. My neighbour's dog has been living in my house for the past few days but she's about to head back home later tonight. Haha, she'd probably never ever be able to read this. Who I am kidding right? She's an animal, but she's a good friend. A very good friend that I've known for less than a week.

Thanks for staying by me whenever I felt like I wanted to be left alone.

I don't think I am able to keep pets because I grow emotionally attached to them too quickly. And this time it's no difference. It's like I had to say goodbye as soon as I said hello. Once again, where's the good in goodbye?

Never good with them.

Still, in a sad, awful, terrible way, I'm happy I met her.

2011-12-08T23:46:00.001+08:00

Don't worry, I won't linger.

2011-12-08T03:02:00.001+08:00

Sorry I'm just going to say this here because it's more public and I have to get it out. Yeh, I don't give a damn if I'm going around in riddles becase I'm pretty sure in time to come, I'd still understand what I wrote. Even several years down the road.

Sickening to read (into) certain things nowadays. People who used to be/need to be/still are clueless are starting to act like they know everything and people who are damn shit are just getting shittier.

Know your place.

Not going to blame anyone for being two faced. Everyone is two faced so no one should pretend to be virtuous.

And no one likes a person whose heart is as ugly as their face.

So if you're going to be really two faced, please make sure at least one of them is good looking.

If I could, then I would.

2011-12-05T02:33:00.001+08:00

Ah, FYP is killing me. Haha but just the right dosage of Boyce Avenue might do the trick. I've recently learnt that procrastination helps with making work more enjoyable. Not so much though, maybe just the right amount.

But still, I'm not getting work done. Maybe the week ahead would be better because there's no rehearsals and everything. But I have my passport to stress about because I really need to get it extended :(

JESUS SAVE ME.

Okay bye.

2011-12-02T17:18:00.001+08:00

Minus the hair and wardrobe choices, this could pass off as a photograph from 2008.

This week has been really retarded. I don't even know where to start about how I'm ending the week. It's just been really retarded and I really hate my life right now.

I hate it so much.

I hope things would get better in 2012.

This is your time to mourn.

2011-12-01T02:04:00.001+08:00

Four days into the week and I'm at my worse already. Maybe school wouldn't be so vexing if I had the luxury of being to cope with everything that's piling up on me right now.

Stuff like that used to end up on another journal. Because I thought that'd be pretty bad. Now that place ends up being used for things that I'd not imagine myself thinking or even doing it years ago. Somehow, the little things in life don't really matter anymore because nothing seems too little nowadays. I know that doesn't make sense, but I think I understand what I just wrote.

Imagine your mind being triggered by littler things. How little can little be then?

I'm an emotional wreck.

Someone like you.

2011-11-28T23:51:00.001+08:00

Another rough week, and I'm thankful I'm still surviving. Haha my blog posts are getting shorter and shorter because I have nothing that I can really update about. I've been so caught up with school (most of the time) and I hardly have time for anything else.

Guess that's the thing about school and FYP, it just sucks the fun out of everything and leave you with nothing. Nothing to rejoice or feel accomplished about because the work you produce out of all your stress is still nothing worth being happy about. That's a designer's life. We are forever not satisfied with anything about we simply can't put in our best.

And it's time like these that don't help make things simpler for me too.

Need to do something about my hair soon.

Need to do something about my school work.

Need to do something about my life.

We're still waiting for the fire.

2011-11-21T22:34:00.001+08:00

Still trying to settle down from the aftermath of my weekend. I knew that I would feel this way but I never thought it'd leave me feeling like that past the weekend. To be honest, there's no proper description as to how I'm feeling at the moment. Sigh, I really don't know.

Not flustered, just lost.

Times like these, I just want to disappear for awhile.

In Christ alone.

2011-11-19T17:06:00.001+08:00

Hey there everyone! The week has been pretty hectic, with so many things going on at the same time. I am still trying to catch my breath as I'm blogging about it.

Critique wasn't a feat, but I wouldn't say it was that bad too. Just wished I had more drive in handling my designs and had a direction I knew I was headed towards. The light of the tunnel still seems so far away, and what if it's a closed tunnel? Like a cave? Sigh.

Celebrated Yeo's birthday the other day with Becky. We went to make him a cake at Tampines One and then surprised him at his place. Had dinner with his family and all. Yeh, just a day needed to get away from everything. Anyway, the dog in the photograph above is Rocky. HAHA the cutest thing on earth, though it kept biting me because I think it was teething but still cute. It helped licked the cake off me when Yeo came and placed it on me repeatedly. Good Rocky :)

And yeh, the week hasn't ended.

Not looking forward to the weekends to be honest.

Not at all.

Darling, don't let them drag you around.

2011-11-13T03:34:00.001+08:00

The road out of here was never going to be an easy one. But no one told me it was going to be this hard either. To be honest, I am constantly waiting to be liberated. Liberation from everything, school included.

I used to have a lot to write about, even in a blog post to let out my frustrations. But as of late, it seems like there are certain things that even I can't put into words.

Well, even though I'm finishing my course here, I'm watching myself slip away everyday.

End.

With me.

2011-11-12T00:27:00.001+08:00

Oh the joy of Photoshop.

Didn't get the hype that is 11/11/11 going on today. Just another day, even though it was eventful for me. But if it was not for an outing to town, I think it would have been just another day.

The week has been sufficiently cramped with stress and things that I take guilty pleasure in. School has been really stressful with the amount of work being given to us and we just have to accept it unwillingly. Ugh, I hate FYP. So many submissions, so little time. (And Kai, here you go, you are an irritant HAHAHA.)

Anyway, went out to town today and also watched Tower Heist at Leisure Park. Also, I am now officially broke and all I have left is 50 cents for the rest of the week. Guess I could survive with that.

Send food to my home please, I'll probably die if there's a war going on.

OKAY BYE.

I'd rather be a comma than a full-stop.

2011-11-09T13:34:00.000+08:00

Hello world, I'm here to bore you again with my semi-mundane lifestyle. But before that, let me order some Mcdonalds to get me started on my day HAHA. Yes, I do realise it's already closing in to 1:30pm but the day starts when I say it does!

Okay what the heck, the woman on the line said that they're having overwhelming orders right now. What the actual hell? Sigh. I want my double Fillet-O-Fish :(

ANYWAY, we celebrated Albird's birthday yesterday at the lagoon. Well, we were supposed to surprise him with a cake and candles but I guess we failed at being secretive. I'm pretty sure Albird would have figured out that I was trying to light the candles from under the table haha.

So Laury and I went back to his place to chill in his sister's room but the bed was sleep inducing so we ended up sleeping 'til the sun rose. And yes, Albird sneaked out on us to go to school. I'm normally a light sleeper when I'm not at home so he must have been really quiet because I didn't notice he was gone.

Ugh, guess I'll go watch some Glee now and call for Mcdonalds later. Work starts at 8, only because I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Better enjoy having so much luxury time for now (even though I'm not entitled to have luxury time). It'll get crazier in the days to come.

I am tired.

2011-11-02T02:54:00.001+08:00

☹

Brown girl in the ring.

2011-10-31T00:55:00.004+08:00

Hello my dear friends!

MSN is being a proper bitch right now and won't let me sign in. I feel so disconnected from the world even though I hardly chat on MSN. But you get my point right? Speaking of being disconnected from the world, my school work doesn't permit me to feel liberated for now. In fact, I'll be feeling like a caged bird until I'm done with my FYP. I really hope that everything will work out properly and I'll get by my final semester smoothly.

Anyway, the barbecue on Saturday was alright. Best decision made this year though. Well, to be honest, it's not because I enjoyed the barbecue but because Louie came. So glad he came though, because we got to hang out like old times and if you haven't already been following this space, I'm a fan of reminiscing the older times with my good friends.

Anyway, just so that I can look back on this post someday and remember everything.. We drove around aimlessly at first, and then to NUS to raid some dorm and to camwhore like crazy, and then to some place nearby (to NUS) to get some naan and butter chicken and then we had supper at Henderson waves.

Another one to add to my collection :)

Ah, it's days like these that I forget that my problems even exist. And then when it's all over, it's back to reality. But it's alright, it's the little things in life like this that makes me happy :)

I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset.

2011-10-26T22:07:00.002+08:00

Hello my dear friends, sorry I've been so busy that I haven't updated.

Well, if you must know, life is still the same, if not worse. I'd like to believe I'm still coping, but then I remember that the holidays are over and I have my final year project to worry about now. Seriously need respite from everything. It doesn't just get tiring in the long run, but it wears me out physically and mentally.

Anyway, just for remembrance in time to come when I read my blog.. Change tomorrow, barbecue on Saturday and 9 pretty girls in December.

About a month or so.

Just a time to tear down old walls.

2011-10-16T02:01:00.001+08:00

When the ambiguous turns into confirmation, that's when you know this shit is real.

About two months or so..

Bettina's 21st.

2011-10-10T18:07:00.000+08:00

Wanted to blog about Bettina's 21st party last night but she didn't manage to upload all the photographs until this morning so I decided to wait haha.

Haha, this can't be a birthday post because she isn't officially 21 yet but nonetheless, her party was great.

Here's Bettina looking exceptionally pretty on that day :)

Group photo!

And finally, the Ohana that grew up over the years hahaha.

Alright, that's it! Hope you had a great time at your party Bettina!! Thanks for inviting us over!! :)

Lights will guide you home and ignite your bones.

2011-10-10T01:35:00.000+08:00

Hello my favourite readers. I don't even know who reads this space anymore because all of you hardly leave anything on my tagboard. The only people that I think read my blog are Laury and Joe because they're the only ones that leave tags haha. Please leave a tag, I promise I'll love you (don't be anonymous please). But if you're someone that I don't like then please don't leave a tag. You know who you are. I really don't want to love you :(

Had supper with Laury and Charles last Friday.

On the cab ride to 85, I was being embarrassed to death, I wanted to die right there in the cab haha. Both of them were asking the cab driver the weirdest questions ever. So much that it distracted the cab driver and he forgot to turn on his meter for the fare. Well, most of it came from Charles but Laury played her part too HAHA. And then they did the same thing with the uncle from the stingray stall at 85 HAHAHA. The two of them are possibly my most nonsensical friends. But I still love the both of them very much though. They make me laugh and feel like a happy person :)

Went to Charles' place to stay over afterwards. Had a little chat with Alison who's back from overseas. The rest of the night was just a lot of transferring of music, talking about stuff, some Glee watching and a lot of catching up.. Well that's the same as talking about stuff except stuff is you know.. Stuff ;)

Oh yeh, a little photo booth too because I'm an ex-camwhore like that.

HAHA, this last photograph was his idea. He wanted to be a doctor.

Anyway, he also took out this scrapbook that I made for him in 2008. Oh gosh, the content hahahaha. Happy that I made the scrapbook because it reminded us of so many things and brought back so much memories.

Look at this photograph HAHAHA:

Oh gosh hahaha. I blurred out the background because it's really stupid too HAHA.

I don't even remember some of the things that I wrote in there but it really reminded us about a lot of things. I'm actually really glad that we've been friends for so long. Especially after how so many things have happened. I guess I'm actually pretty blessed :)

Alright, going to end this post here.

BYE!

To write love on her arms.

2011-10-06T02:09:00.003+08:00

Just backspaced an entire paragraph. Sometimes, I feel so drawn into blogging about my thoughts, I tend to forget that this blog is too public for a lot of things.

This week has been okay. Every week has been okay I think, it's just that there are certain days where I get carried away by certain things.

Ah forget it, I got nothing to blog about. Here are photographs..

My favourite cat came over one night and we sang with

an old guitar.

Sakae during the weekend with my favourite cat and Abel (who's back from sailing).

And today I caught a movie with Abel. Abduction. It wasn't that bad, definitely better than a lot of movies these days but it wasn't exceptionally good either. Happy that they didn't overexpose too much of Taylor Lautner's upper body. I'm really not into that at all, especially since Twilight does too much of it.

Can't wait for the weekend because Bettina's celebrating her 21st birthday and the bunch haven't met up properly in a long time so I'm looking forward to it. Pretty sure it'll be a blast :)

Going, gone.

We found love in a hopeless place.

2011-09-28T01:53:00.001+08:00

Went to IKEA today with Intan, Aysh and Ummar. 'Twas fun, because we're always talking rubbish and doing stupid things in public. I need to get used to this much nonsense again. My life has been incredibly dull and I must have lost part of my sense of humour along the way.

I hope that every weekday and every weekend would be fun. I hope that this weekend would be fun.

Need temporary highs in my life because nothing seems to satisfy nowadays.

Lighters.

2011-09-26T01:52:00.001+08:00

I don't even know where to start to describe last night. I'd never forget last night. Of course, it wouldn't have been great if it wasn't for Gabriel and Laury because they made the night special. Great time catching up as well. Haven't really felt this happy and even though it was only temporary and for a short moment of time, I guess it was worth it.

I hope the week ahead would be a good one too :)

Timeline.

2011-09-24T03:37:00.003+08:00

Just making a random update.

Ha, as if the archives from my blog and other blogs weren't enough to drive me insane with memories but now Facebook introduced the new profile timeline feature and sigh.. Let's not even go there (even though I know I will be visiting my timeline over and over).

Alright, so I cheated and got myself the new profile a few days before it is released to the general public. If you want to go figure out how to get it, you can try googling. But anyway, it's pretty cool. I took some screen captures because I thought it'd be fun to share some stuff in this blog post.

Yeh it'd look like that.

Thought it was pretty interesting. Probably the first change that I enjoy having on Facebook, because all the other changes are just pretty redudant. Yeh as you can see from the screenshot above, the timeline feature is by the right.

When my Facebook was first created. Yeh baby, that was super long ago.

My first photo album.

Oh these are my like some of my first friends and first comments.

It's kind of funny Laury got a giant preview over there, I think it has something to do with how much someone comments on your wall or Facebook family relationships. But yeh. The last comment is super funny, because from 2007 onwards, I probably evolved several times.

Haha, oh this photo album, I remember that day like it was yesterday.

Oh this Youth Camp haha. This was when I enjoyed going for Youth Camps.

Haha this video. I remember there was another one too. The joys of panel painting.

Oh, this was when someone chio came to visit hahaha. I miss you tree :(

2009 was an interesting year, especially towards the end of it..

Oh I remember this day. It was a 4th Sunday.

Gabriel and I were both tired after service so we went to lay our heads on the table in the Sunday School room and then Bettina came along with her camera. And so we camwhored like crazy. It says in the album that we took 75 photographs but I'm pretty sure there was more.

Oh and then Gabriel and I decided to get together for more than a year before we broke up HAHAHA.

Oh and then there were those days that we used to go out with Louie all the time hahaha.

I actually really miss those times a lot, like mega a lot.

Top 3 people most photographed with in 2010.

I guess back then I really did take a lot of photographs eh? I guess it comes with age as well, and how much I actually spend socializing and all.

Oh Facebook, I guess you can be useful sometimes.

Happy birthday to a very special friend.

2011-09-22T00:38:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday my dearest didi!

I've actually been saving up on a lot of things that I'd like to say to you over a long period of time. But honestly, I'm afraid that because there have been so many things going on, my memory would fail on me and that one birthday post such as this wouldn't be enough to talk about everything.

It's no surprise that you're so special to me. After all, you're one of the few friends that I've stayed close to over so many years and I'm still really thankful for our friendship. You're also one of the few friends that has been through thick and thin with me, all the ups and downs and also, the various walls and barriers that were built over the years. I'm just really glad that we've made it through everything and that we always manage to resolve our problems in the end.

This year has been pretty bad for me, especially this period of time. But I'm really thankful for that one night you called me on your own accord and also stayed on the phone with me even though I wasn't talking and even though it was late and you had school the next day. When you knew I needed someone and I was about to give up on everything. And also for that very day that we met really early in the morning, to hear me out and knock some sense into me. I was really thankful to have you around. And I'm also really happy that you've kept to your word, that you'll always be here for me no matter what. You're not just a friend in time of need, but also a life saver. Just thought you should know that.

I am so glad that we finally got to hang out properly recently, no awkward moments but just having a great time being crazy and also talk about everything through the night. I'm so glad that that we were able to get along and talk like we used to years ago. Can't believe it took us this long to finally become this close again but I'm glad that we've made it through everything. Especially since there have been so many things going on over the years.

I hope you'll always stay the way you are and that you'll always stay happy. Remember that I'll always be here no matter what. Thank you for everything, always. Have a very blessed birthday!

KOR KOR LOVES YOU! :)

Where were you, when everything was falling apart?

2011-09-18T05:36:00.000+08:00

Can't feel worse than I already feel right now.

I guess there are a lot of things that can stand through the test of time but it's called test for a reason and I guess there are a couple of things that I don't make it through either.

Just feel kind of stupid it took me some time to realise certain things and that there are a number of things that I should have avoided from the start. Well, too late for regrets now. Time will continue to tell a lot of other things.

It's for the best, I won't be around.

I'd wait here forever, just to see you smile.

2011-09-16T00:32:00.001+08:00

No photographs for this post. I think photographs have become a thing of the past, or maybe it's because I don't have a proper camera. Either way, photographs are still a good way of reminiscing a lot of things. Good or bad, it goes both ways I guess.

Anyway, the last sentence in the last post. Yeh, just some thought..

Okay so the bad habit of venturing into archives has now gone into the archives of others as well. And I actually realise that this is even more depressing than it is going through my own archives. But I guess it can be a good thing too.

So this week has seen me as a hermit except for the night I went out with Siyun just to have dinner and catch up at my new favourite hang out. That is, the Hong Kong cafe at East Coast Park.

I kind of like being a hermit, it keeps me away from things. But I guess it's not really healthy either because staying home makes me crazy. Crazy in a lot of ways.

Went out with Jay this evening to watch a movie and have dinner at Dhoby Ghaut. He asked if I still updated my blog and so if you ever visit this page, hi Jay. Thanks for the day, 'twas fun.

But, yeh.

I don't really like anything pertaining to a lot of things nowadays. Oh and this paragraph is in no relation to anything that I've wrote about in this post. Or is it?

Being really open nowadays on my blog. Can't tell if it's a good thing. But I know it just makes me more vulnerable to a lot of things.

Is it okay to smile when you have no reason to? Does that make you insensitive?

2011-09-12T18:37:00.001+08:00

With arms wide open.

2011-09-11T05:48:00.001+08:00

Kind of wanted to start off this blog post with a photograph of Ruifen and I from our freshman year but I couldn't find any proper photographs of us. Proper meaning, that I don't look ridiculously awkward haha. I actually have one that I tried editing but it still looks really weird so heh.

I'm happy that we went out the other day. So much fun catching up with one another about our lives and a lot of other things (of course school being one of them). I really miss school when everyone was still around. I mean, we were stressed and all but everyone was great company.

HAHA, Ruifen is one of those people who's glad that she's my friend and not my enemy. Okay, I have to admit that I can churn up the most amazing insults for people that I detest and my words are almost always lethal. Got to cut down on the talking and more on the "can't be bothered-ness".

Anyway, it's 5:46am and I got to be up in like 45 minutes and I'm not asleep. Well actually, I was. But I seem to get up at the most weirdest times nowadays and I probably have like two hours of sleep or something. Don't really know what's wrong with me nowadays. Well actually I do, but yeh whatever.

Sorry if you don't like wordy posts, though I really can't be bothered if you don't HAHA.

Okay bye.

Pumped up kicks.

2011-09-09T03:53:00.002+08:00

I still think that this new blogger interface needs to take some getting used to. Gah, so many changes as of late. Truth be told, I hate having to adapt to changes. So tiring.

If you must know why I'm awake at 3:33am (time when I last looked at the clock), some weird thing from downstairs kept crying and crying. The cry was something between a meh and a quack. Horrible noise though. It didn't help that a cockroach also brushed my leg and that was the last straw. Turned on the lights and that idiot died a terrible death.

This week has been extremely eventful so I'm very thankful. Thankful because school has robbed me of chances to go out and enjoy for real so I'm going to take advantage of my holidays and try to appreciate it as much as possible. Well, at least before the real hell, that is FYP, starts.

Sunday night was spent with Albird and Laury at Tampines because we went to watch Crazy Stupid Love, which wasn't that great actually but I guess it's personal preference. That night was really funny though, Laury would know because we kept having unexpected coincidences HAHA. (Also, thank you for the wristband from H&M, I love it!)

Was supposed to have supper on Tuesday night with Thorny Loy but that plan didn't materialise.. And I can't really remember what happened on Tuesday either. Strange.. HAHA. I shall leave this paragraph as it is until I remember what happened on Tuesday.

Went to school in the afternoon on Monday to check on the release of my grades and also had some briefing regarding the projects to come in the months ahead. And then I cabbed home because I was too lazy to take the bus home. Charles came over to study while I was watching Heroes (the Korean variety one, not the other one that I really can't be assed to watch). Had dinner at the Hong Kong Cafe at East Coast Park and then we chatted 'til late downstairs my house. I enjoyed that night really much :)

Had a sashimi buffet with my mother swan on Wednesday, where else but Nihon Mura? Great time catching up on a lot of things and also, talking about a lot of other rubbish that we always do. Did a bit of walking and window shopping at Tampines 1 and then I had to get froyo because froyo is good HAHA.

Thursday afternoon, I made my way to Leisure Park to meet Louie but the sky wasn't being very kind. The surroundings wasn't kind either because I couldn't find shelter so I was completely drenched by the time I walked to the nearest bus stop (which wasn't near Leisure Park by the way). Coincidentally met Weihan there who asked me to call Louie for help HAHA. Thank God I did because I seriously needed a set of extra clothes. Cabbed to Leisure Park to meet Louie because the subsequent bus to my destination was in 24 minutes. ANYWAY, HAHA he was so unsure of his choice of clothes for me, it seemed to bother him a lot hahaha. But I was like, ah just get me clothes 'cos I really wanted to change out.

So yeh, I watched Smurfs looking dressed up for Sentosa HAHA. Which is coincidental I guess, 'cos there was a bunch of people that went to Sentosa right? Heh. The movie was okay but I think it was catered more towards kids and adults that want to feel like a kid again.

After the movie, Louie and I cabbed back to my place to catch up, talk about hamsters, watch videos of snakes eating animals (even though I was mega reluctant) and "networked" about everything HAHA.

Ok, this post has been good yes? It makes me feel like an outgoing person, which is completely not true considering the person that I am now. Feel so introverted hahahaha.

Meeting Ruifen at town later, can't wait! I miss her so much!

ALRIGHT, ending here, have a great rest of the week everyone! :)

By my side.

2011-09-06T05:42:00.000+08:00

Haven't felt this alright in awhile, so today marks a difference from the days before this. I don't know if I've said this on this blog, but I really need to start appreciating life a lot more and I'm making that conscious effort.

Felt pretty stupid the other day because I did certain things that I shouldn't have but I'm alright now.

Also, if you must know, I got a D for my interim grades. That's for my core module by the way. Yeh, it's not that great, I know that, I would expect that too. But I'm thankful for a D because a failing grade would have been worse. I can safely say.. Wait, no. I am very certain that this is God's grace.

Anyway, this post was supposed to be dedicated to a person, very special in my life. But I'll save that for a post some time within this month. Because it'll be really awkward to say certain things in this post at the moment. Like the first two paragraphs weren't obvious enough..

Alright, I shall end this post here.

I don't want the world to see me.

2011-09-03T05:24:00.007+08:00

I have this really bad habit of going through my archives and reading through old posts to see how life was and everything. So I headed back like a year or so and tried to read about what I blogged about last year but I realised that my life was so uninteresting, so I went back a little further.

I really miss how everything was in the past. Like, so much. I wouldn't say it was simpler but I think I was truly happy back then. Like, really happy. And I had so many people to lean on and everyone was like family. I'm not saying that everyone around me is not like family to me now, it's just that I've grown to be less dependent on others (and I don't know if that's a good thing). I kind of miss depending on others because at least I didn't seem that alone all the time.

Actually, I don't really know when I started becoming reclusive. I guess there's a part of me that's scared that certain things would repeat itself and so I avoid complications altogether. But I guess that doesn't really help since my life is a complete mess right now.

Which is why it's a good idea to take a break from everything now. But, gah you know I really feel like letting it all out here, or to someone at least. And bah, I just backspaced a whole lot of shit that I just wrote.

I shan't go into details though. Because I don't wish to open up anymore. I've got this quote from a movie: "If you don't open up, you're never going to heal."

Guess I'm never going to heal then.

I know it's not good to walk away, even from the ones closest to you. But if there's anything, I'd rather be upset on my own than have everyone share my burden.

I'm sorry.

Misguided ghosts.

2011-08-22T11:28:00.002+08:00

I always feel sad thinking about how much more I could have done if I hadn't fall sick during the most critical period of my project.

Too late for regrets now, I'm just super sorry to myself for even getting into this mess in the first place.

Must not give in to being sad. Ha, right, already did.

Always shine, next to me.

2011-08-22T01:39:00.000+08:00

I'm glad the week is finally coming to an end. As a matter of fact, it has ended. Also, submission is on the 24th. Can't wait until everything is over.

Please give me your support :(

2011-08-20T21:37:00.001+08:00

Thought I'd update a proper blog post for once. Haha, got to remember that I have two other blogs for my misery and it's definitely this one but sigh. I realise that I used to blog with a happier tone, yeh it just dawned upon me as I was reading my archives.

I think as you grow older, a lot of things don't seem to excite you that much anymore. And to be honest, I'm pretty contented just being unhappy everyday. Not that it's a good thing but it seems to be the norm for now. Especially since I suffer in design school everyday. Sometimes I wonder why I'm even in this course, and then I remember that I actually wanted to be in it (somehow..) so I shouldn't complain.

Feeling a lot better today. The flu has been killing me for the past few days, I've been semi-bedridden and I can't remember the last time I did something interesting..

Okay, so I had a small snack at Hong Kong Cafe with Susanne and Rachelle today..

Haven't been taking proper photographs in awhile, or posting them here for that matter. I hope these photographs would make up for all the loss of happier photographs HAHA.

Suddenly, it seems like this blog isn't so nice to read anymore...

Okay, that should change. Soon.

Okay bye HAHA.

Vicious cycles.

2011-08-17T01:38:00.001+08:00

What am I hanging on to anymore?

Like the back of my hand.

2011-08-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

Down with a terrible flu. Sore throat, fever, body aches and I feel like I'm floating. Haha, it would be extremely fun to say that it's because it's the 7th month and stuff like that but I don't believe in that so yeh.

Last night, Laury and I saw this guy standing on the MRT tracks waving at us. This happened during the ungodly hours of the morning. Normally, people would get creeped out but we thought it was really funny and we kept laughing over and over. We didn't have alcohol that night.

Going to school tomorrow, here's hoping I don't faint on Dover Road while crossing the road.

Okay bye.

Even though it's been awhile.

2011-08-13T04:12:00.002+08:00

It's kind of a funny story.

2011-08-10T22:12:00.001+08:00

Nobody said it was easy.

2011-08-06T18:08:00.000+08:00

Hey there.

Alright, thought I'd update this space to keep it alive. The last post wasn't exactly helping to help lift the atmosphere of the blog haha (if it even had one to begin with).

I guess things can only gradually get better even though I'm still trying to keep up with everything. I shall force myself to do work later even though I'm really tired of it for now but submission is near so I might as well press on.

Ok bye.

My heart keeps falling faster.

2011-07-27T00:40:00.001+08:00

This week is not the best time to fall sick. Honestly, I just feel like giving up on everything right now. I don't know how long more I can hang on to anything.

Everything's growing distant and the light at the end of the tunnel is growing faint.

I'd wait here forever.

2011-07-17T03:17:00.001+08:00

I've been bogged down by so many things, it's starting to take a toll on me. My studies, my emotions and everything else that is in relation to it. But I'll get through this even though I'm pretty unsure of what I'm hanging on to at the moment.

It's alright, you guys can call me an emotional wreck. I'm fine with it because it's all I've been lately.

The past week has been rather eventful and I'm glad I managed to get down to accomplishing a goal that I've set for myself (since a few months back) today. It was kind of like a blast to the past, but I'm not the kind of person who likes to leave things unsettled. All I can say is, I miss how everything was and life has been pretty empty.

We can only gradually get better :)

I'll be close behind.

2011-07-13T02:40:00.001+08:00

Three days into the week and I wish it'd end already. But here's wishing that it'll be pretty bearable until the weekend. You know, if I continue doing what I'm doing now, I'd probably be digging my own grave. Just thought I should remind myself to stop shoveling and start doing something better.

The first part of my weekend was well spent with Laury. I always enjoy the time we spend together, because she gets me and my flow and everything we do floats our boats. Also met up with Albert, 'twas good.

Abrupt ending; I should probably sleep :)

Swing, swing.

2011-07-06T00:36:00.003+08:00

The start of this week has been a roller coaster of emotions for me. Especially when things started to escalate yesterday and the day before that. But I'm glad to have people around me who understand.

Like my favourite cat Laury, you'll always be my favourite cat :)

After all this time, I never thought we'd be here.

2011-07-02T23:48:00.004+08:00

Ah, sorry it's been awhile. I've been relatively busy with things that I shouldn't be busy with. School has started and I'm pretty thankful that the classmates that I hang out with have made school a lot more bearable.

Life has been rather mundane as of late. I wouldn't say that it's completely mundane but recently I've been disinterested in a lot of things (even the things that used to interest me). I don't know if it's part of growing up or that I've just become nonchalant/apathetic to a lot of things.

I don't really want this to be another long wordy post. Sometimes I wished I could talk about a lot of things but things are getting messier and messier and it just sucks being in my position. I feel like I've been carrying so much weight that I shouldn't even be carrying in the first place, similar to the things I've been busy with. I guess they're all interrelated in one way or another.

I guess things were a lot simpler when I was 16 and having the time of my life.

As kids, we used to wish we could grow older faster. Truth is, we grow older too quickly.

I always seem to forget, how fragile are the very strong.

2011-06-23T00:54:00.003+08:00

Hey everyone! My expenses for the week have been overwhelming and I'm not proud of it. Well, maybe a little because I bought so many things but whatever happened to saving for a rainy day.

Then again, it's probably because shopping is therapeutic. It's been awhile since I've felt liberated in various ways, some of which, are not comfortable. One of them would be reformatting my entire laptop (Windows one..) because previously, it wouldn't work. Yeh, that means losing a lot of my files which consists of old photographs and all. I felt like I was deleting part of my life. I actually didn't want to do anything to the laptop but I guess I had no choice. That part of my life, was possibly my happiest.

I cut my finger yesterday while trying to make myself some accessories from various charms and all. I told everyone that the pain was liberating. I seriously hope I was kidding too haha. I haven't been thinking straight eh? Okay, I'm obviously kidding. I'm not suicidal or a masochist..

And today, I walked in the rain. Well the last time I got really drenched was when I was alone stoning at some playground in the heavy rain. It's different because nobody was around and I'm usually self conscious (about my hair getting wet). This time I got myself completely drenched and it was fun. I actually love the rain. Once again, it was liberating (mostly because it was fun getting caught in the rain). I just hope that I don't catch a cold or anything but I highly doubt so anyway.

Alright, the post is getting wordy. A big pat on the back to everyone who has made it through the post until this word. You're a true reader man :)

Okay, I wish all of you happiness :)

2011-06-22T00:52:00.001+08:00

I'm getting old and I need something to rely on.

2011-06-15T16:50:00.003+08:00

Blonder days.

Hey people! I'm back and ready to update (I think..) hehehe. Okay so anyway, I found out yesterday something new that I've never heard of myself. HAHA, the reasons people give to hate me nowadays are so funny it's almost unreal. Actually, it is unreal. Stupid people, you know who you are.. *Shifty eyes*

YA YA YA, continue reading my blog and hating on me. It doesn't make you any more good looking or better than the stupid person you are already :)

Anyway, camp was kind of refreshing I guess. It was a week to take my mind away from a lot of things, and it worked while I was there of course. I wouldn't say the hotel was that fantastic but the company was great :)

Look at Joe Ho hahahaha.

Our favourite face of the month D:

Becky Tan!

Anyway, the week after camp didn't start well for me but I'm pretty okay now. I realise that whenever I have something like a reason to be angry about someone/something, it keeps me happy(?) HAHA. I guess I'm cynical like that.

But seriously.. If you're going to go around saying things about me, at least pick the right people? :O

Alright, mega love HAHA.

See ya, don't wanna be ya!

P.S. Twinny, if you're reading this. Thank you for the presents, the rum and raisin ice cream and everything else :)

Somewhere only we know.

2011-06-06T22:40:00.002+08:00

A weekend to remember :)

Ah, I'm kind of excited. I'm going to Malaysia tomorrow for vacation, along with my friends from church. Well, not everyone are friends but I think you get my point hahahaha.

Maybe this liberation is starting to take its proper form. I hope it'll be a good week for me. Going to miss my friends in Singapore though. I'll be back soon!! :)

Ugh, I had so many things I wanted to write in this post, but nothing seems to come to my mind right now. Never mind, I shall leave this post short and sweet then!

The past week has been, well I don't know what it's been but it's alright I guess. Alright, that's about it. See all of you soon!! :)

2011-06-02T20:42:00.003+08:00

Guess the countdown got cut short.
Always a failure eh?

Lol.

If you ever think you're drowning, I'll try to slow the rain.

2011-05-31T20:28:00.002+08:00

Hi Laurywsh :)

Just completed two submission as of now, one more to go and then critique. I'm really not looking forward to that one. So vexed, so vexed. But I got to pull myself together.

Dawn wrote something encouraging on Whatsapp yesterday:

"No amount of self effort can help us walk on water. When we see that Jesus is above the storms of our lives, we will effortlessly rise above those storms."

Well, when she wrote that, it was all in capital letters HAHA. Like a wake up call kind of message but heh, I'll just pretend that she typed that with italics and everything haha. I don't think she'll ever read this. But well, it did encouraged me. So thankful to have Christian friends around me in school.

2 more days.

You can do this Ryan!

P.S. I kind of like it that my tagboard is active for now :)

That's why I smile.

2011-05-31T01:03:00.000+08:00

Ah, sorry I haven't been updating in awhile. If you should know, I'm really busy with school (even if it doesn't seem like it). The past week has been extremely vexing for me, I don't even know where to begin about how vexing it is.

Last night, was very uncomfortable for me. Haha, I think my health has reached its peak of being super retarded. I had a slight fever, vomit spells and I kept tossing and turning in bed because it was really hard to catch my breath. What the hell, I tried Googling about it. I think it's classified under fatigue. I hope it gets better after submission.

But the week was pretty bearable before that. Someone came over to visit and I won't deny this but we actually had a good time catching up and talking about a lot of things that we should have talked about ages ago.

Oh anyway, I've given up on Photoshopping my photographs these days because I can't be bothered anymore. I have no time for a lot of things so photographs should be the least of my priorities right?

I mean, it's not that I look that bad right.. Right?

Oh, and I'm really glad for Friday and the weekend. It took my mind off a lot of things for awhile. Until now :/

Ugh :(

3 more days.

Who run this mother..

2011-05-24T20:28:00.001+08:00

Still wandering.

Haha, just between you and I, my health is getting from bad to worse. Recently, it's been really hard to breathe even. Like I have to take deep breaths because I'm always out of breath. I'm starting to wonder how long more I can last.

Is it even normal to feel this upset everyday?

Argh, school has been such a mood and energy drainer. I don't know how many times I've said that but it still is the same over the years. Well, maybe a little more for my final year.

What a catch, what a catch.

2011-05-22T00:20:00.004+08:00

Alright, for those of you who don't already know.. Wait, what am I saying? I haven't told this to anyone besides my twinny and Becky.

My body has been really weak lately. Like whenever I'm walking in the bus towards a seat or heading towards the door to get down from the bus, whenever the bus moves, I tend to fall over very easily. Also, whenever someone pushes me gently and all, my legs tend to give way a lot more easily than before.

Somehow I think it's because of my lack of sleep when it comes to staying up to complete certain assignments from school. Actually, just a lack of sleep for school general (considering that I have to get up early as well).

But these two people are the sweetest because they surprised me with a giant bottle of milk today. Haha, it was supposed to be a belated birthday gift but I still think it's super sweet. It's the thought that counts right? Super meaningful because they bought it for me due to the whole falling over thing.

They wrote some notes for me on the milk bottle but the condensation kind of caused some of it to be blur and all so I took and video and made 2 gifs to document them in this blog with whatever they wrote. I mean, after all, someday I'm going to come across this entry to remember all the best memories that happened to me when I was 20 right? Hahaha.

From didi.

From Becky.

HAHA, if this is not sweet, I don't know what is.

Thank you, the both of you.

This means so much to me! Both of you are the sweetest people ever! I love the both of you so much! *BIG HUG* :)

P.S. I'm going to try keep the milk bottle with the words intact for as long as I can HAHAHA.

Superfreak.

2011-05-17T22:57:00.005+08:00

Today was just a good day. Possibly the best Vesak Day I've ever had in my entire life (not that I've lived for a long time but you should get my point).

Ryan and Becky came over to my place in the morning and then we lazed around and watched some videos on Youtube before heading off for lunch at East Coast.

Lunch was awesome, just that we ordered a bit too much but all's good because we managed to clear most of it.

R³ :)

Headed back to my neighborhood to rent a movie downstairs. We ended up renting "Grown Ups" because Ryan and I agreed that it was funny. After which, we watched "Little Miss Sunshine" which I had downloaded on my Macbook.

I love "Little Miss Sunshine" so much. It's possibly one of the best films I've ever watched. So heartwarming and just different from other films. Love love love "Little Miss Sunshine" and Abigail Breslin.

But I love the both of them (Ryan and Becky) even more hahaha. Thanks for the day guys! :)

Dinner was with my family at Waraku (East Coast, again). We were supposed to eat somewhere else but there's a long story behind everything and I really can't be bothered to type it all out here but the day was awesome :)

Shall end the post here :D

You carry all your thoughts across an open field.

2011-05-16T19:08:00.002+08:00

This week has been rather eventful. Well, not exactly. But I'm pretty happy right now at how a lot of things are turning out. It feels like life is finally turning around for me slowly :)

Had dinner with R³ and Denise on Saturday night. I really miss Denise so much haha. Not even sure if you really read this anymore but we should hang out like a lot more :)

Happy people :)

And Sunday?

Sunday was just, beyond awesome. I'm so thankful for Sunday :)

I love my twinny.

2011-05-14T01:35:00.000+08:00

Monday.

2011-05-09T00:16:00.004+08:00

Truthfully, I don't know whether this is considered as a form of "Monday Blues" but I think it's worse compared to everyone else. I'm quite surprised that I don't seem to be complaining much about it.

Mondays are a constant reminder of my failure. Try living with that. I shouldn't even be doing what I am doing right now in life. I don't know, not being emotional, defensive, sensitive or anything else here. But there are worse things to life than Monday Blues. Take it from me, I would know. I'm inadequacy at its best.

Dedicated to Miss Ernie "Chio" Chang.

2011-05-05T21:19:00.000+08:00

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH :9

-

2011-05-03T11:35:00.001+08:00

I want you, oh my love.

2011-05-01T23:35:00.001+08:00

The past few days have been pretty eventful. I'm actually having post-production blues from the play I was just acting in for my church.

A big thank you to everyone who responded to my invites and came to watch me perform! Hehe in no particular order, Albird and his two friends, Thorny Loy, Gladys, Geraldine and her boyfriend and anyone else whom I might have missed out.

It means so much to me that you guys came to support me (and my gravity defying hair) and I'm so appreciative of all the love and support. I love all of you!! :)

Thorny, Gladys, Madhuri and Laury cat.

Aww, my favourite thorn :)

Becky! :)

HAHA I had no idea that we got photobomb-ed by Madhuri at the back.

Anyway, I got all of the photographs off Facebook so here's a big thank you to everyone who uploaded the photographs too!

I shall stop blogging now hehe.

Wait, I have to blog about this before I go. Rachel Tan just showed me this really funny photograph and I cannot stop thinking about it HAHAHA what the hell. She's such a kukoo!

Okay bye!

2011-04-25T11:18:00.001+08:00

Trying to make it work but man, these times are hard.

2011-04-24T02:26:00.001+08:00

I shall find time to update this blog properly soon. Today was an eventful day. I really liked today. But like I said, I shall find time actually keep this blog updated.

Okay bye!

You found me.

2011-04-21T02:46:00.000+08:00

School, is school. I don't really have to go into details. I'd love to think it's getting better but the assignments are piling up everyday. Kind of glad that I everytime I decide procrastinate, I decide against it as well. I hope I can keep this up.

There are so many things I want to do after the play. One thing for sure has to do with my hair. Another is possibly getting it trimmed so that the dead ends are not that obvious at times.

And also, go on a shopping spree.. Not possible now that school has started though. But image over everything else. That's how I flow..

"I forgot that you were this kind of person.."

My friends are so hilarious sometimes hahaha.

Like I used to.

2011-04-19T19:12:00.005+08:00

“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.”

- Jack Kerouac, Beat Generation Poet

Got that quote off a theory lecture today. True and precise.

School has grown increasingly stressful, even on the first day. My thoughts? At first it bothered me. I mean, it's normal isn't it? If I said I wasn't bothered by school, then clearly I'm just lying to myself.

But I chose to be a design student didn't I? It's funny because when people asked me why I wanted to be a designer, I always tell them that design chose me and not the other way around. However, thinking about it now, I guess I'm better off as a designer because I always wanted to be one anyway.

One more year, I'm going to prove it to everyone who told me that I couldn't make it.

What can you do when your good isn't good enough?

2011-04-18T03:24:00.006+08:00

Removed the music from my blog because it's starting to bug me. It was meant to bug everyone else who visited because I wanted to force my readers to listen to my current jams but recently nothing seems to please me anymore.

I've been growing weary from a lot of things as of late. But because I'm wiser now, there are things that I won't even bother writing here or anywhere else. I don't know if that makes me wiser but sometimes there are things best kept to yourself because if you disappoint yourself, you only get disappointed once. Does that even make sense?

Kind of anxious that school is starting later. Which probably explains why I can't get to sleep now. Well, I would blame part of it on my abnormal sleeping pattern and also my addiction to Coke (caffeine). I hope this year would be kind.

The past week has been pretty eventful, had lunch with Geraldine at IKEA, a birthday dinner for Wayne at Aston's with the BDS juniors and lunch with Becky and a birthday dinner with the Ling's "mummy" earlier tonight.

I'm tired, really tired.

I give, you take.

2011-04-17T03:35:00.000+08:00

Part of me died, when I let you go.

2011-04-13T19:11:00.000+08:00

Alright, for those of you who have been doubting me about the whole Coke and ulcer thing.. Aunty Rina said that it works because the Coke kills the bacteria from the ulcers easing the pain. I have a doctor to back me up on this one okay! Hahaha.

Can't believe it's Wednesday already. A few more days and school starts. This year would be different. You'll see..

Stuck in a moment, that wasn't meant to last.

2011-04-12T04:17:00.005+08:00

I actually took some photographs of my ulcers with the intention of putting them up here but I'm actually disgusted at the photographs myself. Just earlier, my ulcers were bleeding and for that moment I felt super morbid, like I just tortured myself or something.

The only thing I can do right now is occasionally let out a huge long sigh and soak/bask in this awesome tragic state of mine. This is seriously no joke man, no joke.

And now, I actually feel like uploading those photographs hahahahaha.

On second thought, nah..

Craving for that IKEA salmon salad thingy at the moment. I love how random I am.

Okay bye.

I'll fly away on a trip to your heart.

2011-04-11T18:54:00.004+08:00

I should really invest in a good camera for myself. Phone cameras are okay but the photographs don't really turn out the way I want to be. Well duh, who am I kidding? It's a phone camera after all..

So now, I'm officially 20. One year older and blessed with ten ulcers HAHA. It's killing me slowly everyday. My heart dies a little whenever food touches the ulcers accidentally (or when I purposely do things like gargling salt and water).

Alright, shall not bore you with my ever saddening life haha.

Birthday cake from my BDS juniors who celebrated my birthday with me :)

Flowers from my mother swan and Charlene :)

HAHA MY ABSTRACT HIPSTER CAKE.

And my favourite hipster influenced friends hahahahaha.

Yours truly.

HAHA AND THIS BOY HAD HIS HAIRCUT TODAY.

Just so you know, I have a hard time talking now because of my ulcers and all. Laury and Albird found it amusing last night because I was communicating half the time with weird hand actions and all. (By the way, I had a great time last night, thanks guys, it was great!)

And today, Ryan (the boy, not myself) was just like, irritating me on purpose to make me react or talk because it's funny :( But okay, thanks for the day out twinny hehehe. 'Twas fun :)

Well, everyone thinks it's funny. Okay it is, but it's painful.. So that kind of makes it not as funny as funny. I know I'm not making sense but it doesn't matter.

And why doesn't anyone believe me that Coke helps to ease the pain???

My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room.

2011-04-05T11:40:00.002+08:00

I can't decide which photographs I should post on the blog. I'll think about it in time to come and when "that" period is over haha. So that I can post them altogether, edited and all.

Hehe, a big shout out to Laury Wong. Thank you for the beautiful post on your blog:
http://ffeline.blogspot.com/2011/03/ryry.html

I love you Laury Wong! :)

Alright, I should be leaving my house in awhile. Having lunch with Joshua Tan later :)

Bye!

I can't believe I'm turning 20.

2011-04-03T04:14:00.002+08:00

Guess who's turning 20?

Dear friends who have not wished me happy birthday.. That's alright, do not panic! It's not my actual birthday yet (I'm taking it that you're reading this post on April the 3rd).

Just came back from a gathering not long ago. I had no idea that my friends had a birthday surprise planned for me. I've been so out of touch lately, I didn't think that anyone would even surprise me. It's times like these that I'm reminded that I'm blessed with friends who really love me. And of course, I love them so much too :)

Thank you, Rachelle, Susanne, Abel, Bettina, Michelle, Joel and Jun Han for the surprise. Also, my second mummy for cooking dinner. I know I may be really fussy with food, but I still love everything that you cook hahaha.

I love all of you!! :)

P.S. Photographs would be up on Facebook soon, right Xiang? :)

I got closet filled up to the brim, with the ghosts of my past and the skeletons.

2011-03-29T00:38:00.007+08:00

Someone's coming home soon.

I really should be sleeping right now but I'm keeping myself up for some reason. I don't even if I'm supposed to be waiting because I'm not getting any replies. For the first time in a long time, when I'm actually feeling tired, I can't go to sleep just yet.

Hm, something random. I have to endure with my black roots for another month or so. I can't wait for the month to get by quickly.

Also, it dawned upon me earlier that it's that time of the year once again. That dreaded time of the year.

Don't you know that you're toxic?

2011-03-28T17:33:00.001+08:00

Just read something off Facebook that annoyed me. Why is it that some people believe that there's only one way of doing things? Have they ever thought that different people have their different ways of doing things and approaching situations? I absolutely abhor narrow minded people.

The week went by just fine. Earlier this morning, I went to collect my hamsters, now there's two additional living creatures in my house. Names? Jiggly and Puff HAHA. Don't ask. I haven't decided which is which though because I can't even differentiate the hamsters yet hahaha. I'll wait until one of them puts on more weight than the other.

Anyway, I asked to have two male hamsters but the person who gave them to me said he didn't know how to differentiate the genders and he roughly picked out the males which worries me. Because my house is overpopulated hahaha. You know what worries me more? One of the hamster keeps sniffing the butt of the other hamster. Is this normal hamster behaviour? Like are they playing around or there's something more to it, if you know what I mean..

Confusions of life hahaha.

Went out with Becky for lunch yesterday and we also did some random window shopping and other kinds of shopping at Parkway HAHA. Bought the most random of things, but.. Yeh, I'll leave it as that hahaha. And then, with me around, I always love suggesting crazy things to do. If you're great at following and stalking me on Facebook, you might have already figured out what happened.

And I'll leave you guys with two repeated words to end this post:

Tsunami, tsunami~

P.S. Not making a mockery of anything, go search for it on your own, it's also on my Facebook profile HAHAHA. Also, I realised that the words don't really end this post since I have these sentences here but, whatever :)

Just open your heart and the world will carry you home tonight.

2011-03-25T17:51:00.000+08:00

Hehe excited! I'm waiting for the two packages to come in the mail next week and I still have money for more clothes. Got to stock up a new wardrobe for the new semester. Change is always good, especially when it comes to fashion :)

Talking about fashion! In case some of you don't already know, I have plans on opening a blogshop for guys with Louie. Right now, I'm not very sure if plans are going to materialize just yet but I'm hoping it does haha. Hahaha lots of thanks to Laury too for her help hehe!

Okay, I should go get ready to leave the house later. Got to decide on what to wear that won't kill me in this weather. It's heat stroke inducing! :(

Alright, later!

I've been to the year 3000.

2011-03-25T04:53:00.002+08:00

Oh Laury! HAHAHA.

When we live such fragile lives, it's the best way we survive.

2011-03-23T16:55:00.002+08:00

How many of you actually still read my blog? Leave me a tag, I'd really love to know. Okay seriously, leave me a tag on my tagboard. I know I've asked this of you guys before but no one seems to tag on my tagboard except those spammers. Feel so alone sometimes, sigh. HAHA, not. But seriously, leave me a tag, at least for now? :(

Went out with Ruifen on Monday to Plaza Singapura to have lunch, some window shopping and also catch a movie.

And then we saw this near Golden Village:

Me: Eh, that guy looks like the guy from Harold and Kumar!
Me: Oh wait, is that even a movie?
Ruifen: I don't think it's a movie!
Both: *Laughing quite loudly*

HAHAHAHA, oh man it was really funny. Why do they even advertise using the Golden Village movie thingys?

Okay and I shall end the post abruptly.

Oh yeh, if you ever read this, thanks for the day out Ruifen :)

Alright bye! :D

So close.

2011-03-20T01:32:00.004+08:00

Well, my space bar is kind of back to normal. Er okay, really random but is space bar two words or one word? Like, spacebar?

Had breakfast with my mother swan, Charlene and Charles this morning at McDonald's and then we travelled down to church. Hung around for awhile and then I headed back and then went out in the evening with my mother to go shopping at Tampines.

I think Singapore is really small because I bumped into a lot of people today.

Really random but whenever people think that I'm incapable of doing things, I'd always want to prove to them wrong. So that they can eat their own words and wallow in their guilt for wronging and looking down on me. I may be young and I know what I'm capable of. If you're so great, then why aren't you doing something useful with your life?

Truth be told, I kind of miss having someone to talk to. I have so many things going on in my life at the moment, and I can't just tell anyone about it. Because I don't even know if I'm allowed to, or whether I should and stuff like that. Kind of sucks, because everything feels super messed up at the moment. I wish that just for once, everything would settle on its own and I don't have to deal with shit like that.

Ok bye.

Sugar, we're going down (the Macbook).

2011-03-18T18:55:00.001+08:00

Hello my friends! Okay, it's getting a lot harder to type on my Macbook now. Sigh, wish my butter fingers and clumsiness would go away. If you haven't already found out, I spilt Sprite all over my Macbook's keyboard. So yes, the keys are really hard to press now for some reason. Also, the backlight is not working right.

I'm not really complaining, but the space bar is being such a pain in the ass. It's like an exercise for my thumb because it's so hard to press down. Ah whatever :(

Had breakfast at Bedok's McDonald's with Becky and Ryan yesterday. And then, we started going on each other's Facebook thus resulting in spam and various rubbish. Some camwhoring too and things to pass our time..

Triple R.

Then Becky accompanied to Parkway to run an errand and then er, we went home. HAHA, this is possibly the most interesting my life can get at the moment.

Stupid space bar, I am constantly pressing it down to get it to work proper but to no avail. Shit happens :(

Alright, leaving the house soon to meet Loy for dinner.

P.S. Had a haircut, needs some getting used to. Shall post a photograph of myself even I bother taking one.

Here to stay.

2011-03-16T02:47:00.001+08:00

You were saying?

My sleep cycle is nearly back to normal. In fact, it's back to normal. But I can foresee it reverting back into that nocturnal thingy I have going on all the time. The side-effects of being a design student I guess hahaha. I think I'm already used to it.

Just came back from celebrating Pastor's birthday at the airport.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PASTOR!

Then Aaron sent me home afterwards. I'm quite tired now. Thinking whether I should continue playing Pokemon and save that for tomorrow/later?

Dilemmas of life, not HAHA.

Okay, not thinking right. I shall end this post here.

Feels like tonight.

2011-03-14T14:52:00.002+08:00

The IT fair is finally over! Four gruesome days of horrendous customers, mad rushing and stress. But also, four memorable days of fun, joy and laughter with good friends :)

I think everyone who has ever worked for an IT fair can testify to the fact you'll learn a lot of things just within four days. Things like, discounts, computer knowledge, customer behaviour. Speaking of customer behaviours, certain customers that visited the fair this time round were being really retarded. But there were nicer ones too, more babies this time, so cute!

Okay, I'll post some photographs, you can see the rest of them on Facebook if you have me on your friend's list. If not, just look at the ones I post here haha.

nübox!

I think it's funny how after so many years, I am still really attached to nübox and I cannot imagine working at any other company. Though the commission was cut down nearly by half this time round, it doesn't really matter as long as I enjoy working with the friends and people around me. It's like as though I grew up with them (as well as the different version of Macbooks HAHA).

Alright, that's all! HAHA, I'm surprised if anyone's still reading my blog.

P.S. I have defined leg muscles, you don't! :)

'Til the morning through the night.

2011-03-13T01:01:00.003+08:00

Well actually, I should be even more tired than the one on my shoulder.

Just came back from supper at Siglap with Susanne and Charles. I think all the suppers and time spent together after every IT fair day is always great. On the first day of the IT fair, I managed to have supper with Siyun at Bedok 85 market and it was so great catching up with her. I miss all the crazy things we used to do together in school :(

Cloudy! If you're reading this, thank you so much for everything!! :)

These few days have been fine, I've been working at the IT fair and I would say that sales wise, I did much better than previous shows. If only the commission was better, I would probably have enough money to take everyone out for a good meal. But it's not, so yeh (before anyone says anything).

Tomorrow the last day, and as usual, I know I'm going to miss everyone, new and old friends. Hopefully, the sales would be even better than the past few days. Working for the IT fair is always exhausting, but the time spent together with everyone is always great :)

Hehe :)

Still contemplating whether I should wake up early tomorrow..

Tonight.

2011-03-10T03:51:00.001+08:00

Best K-Pop song I've heard in awhile.

Baby blue eyes, stay with me by my side.

2011-03-10T00:50:00.008+08:00

The only reason I'm still blogging here is because Laury persuaded me to, so yeh here I am.

I do go on Tumblr regularly so you can actually visit me there. I know the people on Tumblr have their own set of rules such as not being allowed to direct people to your personal Tumblr from your own blog or Facebook. But if you really know me, I don't live my life according to rules because I think that's really stupid so yeh.

If anyone's still reading this blog. I'm going to be working at the IT fair at Suntec City from the 10th to the 13th of March at Nubox. Yes, I am selling Macbooks and iMacs so you're interested, just let me know alright? I'll be at level 3 :)

Actually, it does feel good to have an output to your feelings (eg: blogging) which is why I have so many blogs HAHA. But you didn't really need to know that..

Alright, that's it for now.

Last post.

2011-02-20T17:35:00.009+08:00

I honestly don't see the point in keeping up with this blog anymore. I'm either just going to leave it here to look back on it some day, or just lock it up. But thank you my beloved blog, you've been faithful.

This blog has seen me through so many things and looking back, I've definitely come a long way. Through the initial days of blogging rubbish, to my photo whore days, my wilder nights out and of course, the brighter and the darker days.

I'll leave you guys with this post.

To the ones who still bother to come and check up on my life, I think I'm doing fine. Thanks for all the concern. As of now, I'm getting along fine with my life, I think.

I'm just trying to figure out a lot of things. Like why certain people have tried to be there for me, played certain roles in my life, get information out of me and just leave me hanging there like I'm supposed to figure out what to do with my life. Well, thank you so much. You've been such a great help, by showing me that even the nicest of people can be the ugliest out of everyone.

Also, those who stick closer to people who don't even lead you anywhere and they're just helping you pave your own route to downfall. I hope you know what you're doing. After all, I've tried watching after you all these while. I can understand why people got pissed at you before. It all makes sense now doesn't it? Well, all the best to you while I won't be there, simply because there are a lot of things that I don't really give a damn about anymore. To think of it, you don't even bother about me. Sometimes I wonder if I really mean that much/little to you.

And for that.

I guess right now, it's a lot easier than I thought it wouldn't be.

Good~~bye~~ riddance.